How and When To Make Humour at Work

A good laugh will do wonders for you as smiling and laughing lowers
your stress levels, wins you a friendly reputation, and helps your
usually tense co-workers and bosses to relax.




Humour on the job will do a lot for your career, but there are a
number of things you need to know about laughter and humour in the
place of work.




Feeling good and having humour in our lives can do wonders for our
position and productivity, which means that there is definitely a place
for some humour on the job. Having a smiling face will help your
co-workers and supervisors feel better being around you, and you may
well end up reaping rewards by laughing more in the workplace. But you
need to know how to apply humour in your work environment.




Laughing has been proven to be a huge stress reliever, letting you
feel better and becoming more productive. To be able to loosen up and
have some fun is great, so why not take that approach to work each day
and lighten up around the work place? Smiling can make your job easier,
more than ever if you work in customer service or sales. But there's
certainly a right and incorrect way to use humour in the workplace.




One of the main rules with humour in the workplace is to avoid
controversy when you are joking on the job. Stay well away from joking
about political affairs, race and religion.




Sex is another unsafe topic because of sexual harassment in the
workplace. Make sure that you stay well within the lines of decency.




Never make fun at other people within your organization, as you are
trying to win friends with the people you work with, and not set
against them. If you can't help yourself, please be extremely careful.




Poking fun at the work you do or the industry you work in is a good
way to earn some smiles from your co-workers and supervisors. While
these types of workplace jokes may not be so funny at home or with
friends, as they really don't appreciate the pressures of your
employment, the people who are around you in your job will definitely
appreciate the humour about their frustrations and will be able to
laugh over the situations instead of complaining.




Making jokes about the ups and downs of your trade is a safe way to
add wit to the place of work. You will have the benefit of knowing
precisely what your co-workers have to face each and every day, and
it's much better as it helps to let go of tensions and lower stress
levels by getting them to chuckle about the situations they come across
frequently.




The very best time for some humour is when you are not working, but
still in the region of the people you work with, such as a coffee or
lunch break. You can also make an effort to be funny on the job, but
when you are working, it's a good idea to use jokes much more thinly
than you would normally do.





In general, humour in the workplace is a superb area to flex your creative muscles and give your job a little boost.




Humour in the workplace helps stress levels to drop, and your
co-workers will feel better about working with you. Start gradually,
and add a few more safe jokes here and there to incite a few smiles.
Everyone will feel better because of your efforts.

'PENDEDAHAN " YG BOLEH DiELAKKAN

A man is getting into the shower as his wife is getting out when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. She opens
the door to find their next door neighbor, Bob. Before she can say a
word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking
for a moment, she drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. Wrapping herself in
the towel, as she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was
that?"

"It was Bob," she replied.

"Great!" her husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owed me?"

Moral :

IF U SHARE CRITICAL INFORMATION PERTAINING TO CREDIT AND RISK WITH YOUR SHAREHOLDERS (& MANAGEMENT TEAM), IN TIME, YOU MAY BE IN A POSITION TO PREVENT AVOIDABLE EXPOSURE.

MAN WANTED

A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married again. So she put an ad in the local newspaper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70'S)
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME AND
MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

Two days later the doorbell rang. She opened the door, and much to her dismay, there sat a grey-haired gentleman in a wheel chair. He had no arms or legs.

Are you responding to my ad the woman asked? You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?

Yes, I am, the man replied.

The old lady sneered: Just look at you. You have no legs!

The old gentleman smiled and said: Therefore, I cannot run around on you!

You don't have any arms either, she snorted.

Again, the old man smiled, and softly replied: Therefore, I can never beat you!

She raised an eyebrow and asked intently: Are you still good in bed?

The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said, 'I rang the doorbell, didn't I?

The wedding is set for tomorrow.

A Man having a sexual problem ....

Doctor, the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore."
Doctor "Mr. Lee , bring your wife here with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."
So, the worried fellow returned with his wife the following day. The doctor greeted the coupled and then said, "Please remove your clothes, Mrs. Lee."
The woman obliged and removed her clothing.
"Okay, now turn all the way around... Now, lie down please... Uh-huh, I see. Alright, you can put your clothes back on."
While the woman was busy dressing herself again, the doctor took the husband aside. "Dont worry Mr Lee, You're in perfect health," he said to the man. "Your wife didn't give me an erection either."

NOTE: If you have similar problem with Mr Lee pls CLICK HERE to find the solution

I know You will like to watch this ....

GOOD MARKET FOR MOBILE PHONES

Shahrul says…

How I cure my 'Sakit belakang'.....

If he doesn't like your service , he will ....

To ALL MUSLIM ... SELAMAT BERHARI RAYA

Selamat hariraya and Happy holiday

Batman is the son of Superman .....

Believe it or not , Batman is actually an Indonesian and his Father is Superman,


Look at his Identity card below ....

Watch This ...

Laugh Lines - Humor -

Laugh Lines - Humor - New York Times Blog

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I M Starting Young

SEXY & HOT COMMENTS


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BEAUTIFUL WOMEN ???

The above PHOTO Was snapped with flash and lights 'ON'
IF you wonder what u will see with the lights 'OFF' Pls CLICK HERE

A Tenant Story ......

A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for RM1500. They did their thing, and before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but he would have his secretary to write a cheque and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event had not been worth the price. So he had his secretary send a cheque for RM500 and enclose the following typed note:

"Dear Madam:
Enclosed find a cheque for RM500 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the place, I was under the impression that:

#1 - it had never been occupied;

#2 - there was plenty of heat; and

#3 - it was small enough to make me feel cosy and at home.

However, I renting your apartment , I discover the following :

#1 - it had been previously occupied,

#2 - there wasn't any heat, and

#3 - it was too large."

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the cheque for RM500 with the following note:

"Dear Sir:

#1 - I cannot understand how you could expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.

#2 - As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.

#3 - Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the management.

This OLD Man can exactly tell your age ....

A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday. She spent $8000 and felt really good about the result. On her way home she stopped at boutique to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the salesgirl, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" . The girl look at her and said "About 35," .
"I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy.

After that she went into McDonalds for lunch, and asked the order taker the same question, to which the reply was, "Oh you look about 29?"
"I am actually 47." That made her feel really good.

While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question.
He replied, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is bad, but when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand up your skirt I will be able to tell your exact age."

As there was no one around, the woman thought, "What the hell", and let him slip his hand up her skirt. After feeling around for a while, the old man said, "Ok, You are 47."

Stunned the woman said, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?"

The old man replied, "I was behind you in line at McDonalds!"

Just For Laugh !!

When you travel to Japan , you can hardly find instructions in English . If there is , you still have to figure out the meaning ..... look at the sign below , sometimes it can make you laugh ...

Kisah Seorang Kawan .....

Aku ada cerita ni... lawak la jugak.. tapi jangan ketawa tau... Aku baru berkahwin setahun yang lepas dan duduk dengan isteri aku. Kami duduk berdua sahaja sebab belum dikurniakan anak. Aku ni ada satu kegemaran -iaitu makan telur rebus. Aku pun taktahu kenapa aku suka makan telur rebus, sedap agaknya. Sebelum aku kahwin, aku memang gila telur rebus. Pagi petang siang malam makan telur rebus. Tapi semenjak aku kahwin ni aku terpaksa berkorbanlah, iaitu dengan meninggalkan tabiat aku ini. Lama juga aku dah tak pekena telur rebus ni.. sebab orang rumah aku masak sedap-sedap. . so aku dah tak kisah lagilah..

Ceritanya begini, bulan lepas masa aku balik kerja, tiba-tiba kereta aku rosak.. akupun telefon bini aku katakan aku balik lambat sebab kena menapak. Sebab lapar akupun singgah satu kedai makan tu... ada telur rebus lah.. akupun makan nasi dengan telur rebus.. lepastu aku order telur rebus lebih lagi untuk diratah. Sebelum balik aku bungkus lagi 10 biji telur rebus untuk makan sambil berjalan balik nanti. Tiba je kat rumah aku rasa amatlah kenyang.. maklumlah balas
dendam sebab lama tak pekena telur rebus. Sebelum aku masuk kerumah,i steri aku tiba-tiba cakap dia ada 'surprise' untuk aku malam ni. Dia suruh aku tutup mata dengan kain hitam yang diikat kemas dibelakang kepalaku. Dan dipimpinnya aku sampai ke meja makan Aku duduk dikerusi dan isteriku pesan jangan cuba buka ikatan yang menutup mataku.

Aku nak pergi toilet sebab perutku mula buat hal, tapi malaslah nak spoilkan 'surprise' isteriku ini. Aku pun tahan ler... Tetiba telefon berbunyi, isteriku pergi mengangkatnya. Apa lagi ada chance aku pun melepaskan kentut yang ditahan sekian lama.. Fuuuuhhh lega rasanya... bau boleh tahan... maklumler berapa biji telur tah aku bedal tadi... Alamak.. ada lagi satu
la.. aku pun angkat sebelah punggung dan lepaskan satu das lagi.. bunyinya PROOOTTT!! .. fuh bau jangan cakap beb.. aku pun tak tahan bau dia... aku kipas pakai tangan angin dia kasi kurang sikit bau dia... adalah macam bau telur tembelang sikit.. Tetiba aku dengar bunyi telefon berdering lagi... hai lamanya tunggu isteri aku ni, aku tak sabar lagi ni nak tahu surprise dia ni. Aku terasa ada lagilah, kali ni memang aku rasa power punyalah.. aku kumpul dulu kasi padu..
lepastu aku bangun, tonggeng sikit dan lepaskan angin taufan tu... PRRROOOOOTTT! !!!... fuhh lega... bergegar sikit meja makan dibuatnya... peh tak tahan aku bau dia power gila.. aku tutup hidung aku.. aku rasa bau dia ada sikit-sikit macam bangkai la.. mau mati bunga atas meja makan aku ni.. sambil tu aku sebut 'ahhhh.... lega...'. Adalah dekat 5 minit baru bau bangkai tu hilang.. Lepas tu isteri aku kembali dan minta maaf sebab lambat.. lalu dia kata 'SURPRISE!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!' dan suruh aku buka kain penutup mata aku.. laaa birthday aku hari ni le... camne boleh lupa ni.. Aku buka le kain penutup mata aku.. mulutku terus melopong... ALAMAK!!! Benda pertama aku lihat.. muka merah padam pak mertua aku, mak mertua aku, adik ipar aku dua orang, duduk keliling meja makan. Bos aku dengan jiran sebelah rumah rumah aku pun ada!!. ? jadi aku pun nak kaber malu, aku tanya la kat pak mertua aku. 'dah lama ke pak sampai?'.Dan pak mertua aku pun jawab.'Dah lama. Sebelum kentut pertama lagi!!!

'GentleMENG Babi' cakap ikut DANG

Satu lagi aksi tak senonoh yang berhormat kita ... 'Tahniah' kerana memilih beliau .
Tontoni lah Video ini .... banyak yang kita boleh belajar disini termasuk vocabulary baru , 'GentleMeng Babi', cakap IKUT DANG' dan sebagai nya .... HA HA HA , HO HO HO , begitulah tergelak habis

Melucukan ... Gelagat bodoh Pemimpin Kita

Saksikan sendiri Video ini , kalau begini lah aksi pemimpin kita , layak kah mereka2 ini di-panggil yang berhormat ?

Joke and Riddle Search! Keyword: Jokes Riddles

Meet Beautiful and Humorous Women here ...

YES! you can meet the Girls below in person ... and guarantee , they will entertain you for free ... just Click at the photo...

Kenapa Perempuan TIDAK KENTUT ?

Tonton VIDEO ini ,anda akan tahu jawaban nya .... Enjoy

A Lawyer and A Defense Attorney

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial...

Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?

A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.

Q. Officer, who provided this description?

A. The officer who responded to the scene.

Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?

A. Yes sir, with my life.

Q. WITH YOUR LIFE? Let me ask you this then officer, do you have a locker room in the police station ... a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?

A. Yes sir, we do.

Q. And do you have a locker in that room?

A. Yes sir, I do.

Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?

A. Yes sir.

Q. Now why is it, officer, IF YOU TRUST YOUR FELLOW OFFICERS WITH YOUR LIFE, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those officers?

A. You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes defense attorneys have been known to walk through that room.

A Guide to Fishing....

Ismail cukup tersohor kerana kepandaian nya menangkap ikan . Jika ada pertandingan menjala ikan yg disertai nya, ismail pasti berjaya mendapat tangkapan terbanyak . Kerana itu ia di gelar 'Raja Jala' . Satu hari Crew dari TV3 datang untuk interview 'Raja Jala' untuk disiarkan kebolehan nya dalam rancangan Majalah 3......

Crew Majalah 3 : " Boleh Pak Cik ceritakan rahsia kebolehan Pak Cik ? "
Raja Jala : " Senang saja petua nya ...Pak Cik tenguk cara isteri Pak Cik tidur bila Pak Cik bangun waktu pagi . Kalau dia mengiring kekiri , Pak Cik nanti tebar Jala kekiri saja . Kalau dia mengereng keKanan , maka Pak Cik tebar keKanan aje lah , Pasti sekali banyak ikan dapat ... itu lah panduan Pak Cik hari2 sebelum pergi menangkap ikan ".

Crew Majalah 3 : " oh Gitu .. Bagaimana pulak kalau pagi tu isteri Pak Cik tidur terlentang ?
Raja Jala : " lagi bagus ... Pak Cik tak pergi cari rezeki lah hari tu... dah 'rezeki ' doh ada depan mata , baham je lah .....

Dr Awang Adek Now is a 'Bomoh Urut'

Kenal kah anda personaliti di Gambar bawah ? Sebelum Election beliau adalah Timbalan Menteri Kewangan , dan semasa kempen pilihanraya , beliau di Ura2 kan Menjadi Menteri Besar Kelantan sekira nya BN berjaya merampas kelantan. Bagaimana pun , Beliau kalah di-kampong sendiri ia itu di Bacok dan gagal merampas kerusi Menteri Besar dari Tok Guru . So He is out of job now ... tapi nasib baik lah beliau ada kemahiran mengurut yang di warisi nya turun temurun. Jika Sufiah Yusoff (gadis Genius Mathematic) memilih utk menjadi 'Teman sosial' dan meletakkan harga 130 pound seJam , bekas YB kita ini cuma charge RM60 untuk satu sessi ..



















Apa pula terjadi dengan Nasib seOrang lagi YB Doktor . Beliau menceritakan dalam BLOG nya bahawa beliau berasal dari keluarga miskin. Semasa kecil beliau pernah bekerja sebagai 'penyapu sampah ' bersama 2 orang Bangla untuk menampung wang sekolah nya . Jadi 'Penyapu' ada-lah sebagai satu alat mencari rezeki halal hingga dia berjaya menjadi seorang Doktor Gigi . Penyapu juga menjadi satu 'nostalgia' dalam hidup nya, hingga semasa beliau menjadi MB Selangor , beliau menghadiahkan penyapu kepada wakil2 Rakyat nya . Sekarang ini salepas beliau tidak lagi menjadi MB , beliau ingin kembali bersama2 Rakyat , memberi khidmat dan menabur jasa nya walaupun hanya dengan menyapu sampah. Tabik YB xMB kita ...

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Sufiah Vs Mashitah

STARBUCKS

Please note that all chocolate, vanilla and coffee drinks at Coffee Bean and Starbuck contains E471 (Emulsifier 471), mono di-glycefideswhich is from animal origin (PORK) Raspberry Frap uses cherries that has been dip in alcohol and the tiramisu contains RUM. Please pass this message to our muslim friends.

Call JAKIM Malaysia 603 - 8886 4000 for more information.

To all Starbucks coffee lovers, if u addicted to Strabuck coffee but want to be sure it's HALAL ,Go and look for this 'Kedai Kopi' (picture below). I can guarantee you , it is 100 % HALAL

Genius Hooker -- Sufiah Yusoff's Tragedy

Tragedi kehidupan Sorang Genius -- Sufiah


LONDON 30 Mac – Sufiah Yusof, sepuloh tahun dulu nama nya cukup harum dan terkenal
sebagai kanak2 Genius matematik .Dia juga pernah menggemparkan dunia apabila layak memasuki Universiti Oxford pada usia 13 tahun. Tetapi , dimanakah silap nya , selepas itu nasib nya tidak putus-putus ditimpa malang.

Selepas bapanya, Yusof Farooq dipenjara atas kesalahan melakukan serangan seksual ke atas dua gadis berusia 15 tahun yang mengikuti tuisyen matematik di rumahnya, Sufiah pula kini dilaporkan menjadi pekerja seks.

Tragedi yang melanda kanak-kanak genius itu dibongkar oleh wartawan News of the World yang menyamar sebagai pelanggan, di flat murah yang didiaminya di belakang lorong di Salford, Manchester.Sufiah dikatakan terlibat dalam kegiatan tidak bermoral itu, untuk menyara hidupnya sejak beberapa tahun lalu.


Gadis dengan senyuman menawan itu yang kehebatannya sepatutnya menjadikan dia wanita kaya, terpaksa memilih jalan itu untuk terus hidup.Menurut akhbar itu, Sufiah dilaporkan mengiklankan ‘khidmatnya’ melalui Internet dengan tawaran 130 pound (RM845) untuk satu jam khidmat.

Dengan megiklankan khidmat nya di-Internet menggunakan nama samaran Shilpa Lee, dan bersedia melayan pelanggan setiap hari dari pukul 11 pagi hingga 8 malam. Sufiah turut menggambarkan dirinya sebagai ‘amat seksi dan Pintar’ yang lebih gemarkan ‘lelaki yang lebih tua ’. Seorang bekas rakannya menyifatkan tindak-tanduk gadis itu sebagai: ‘‘Sesuatu yang sungguh menyedihkan.’’. “Dengan otak luar biasa yang dimilikinya, dia tidak mempunyai masalah untuk mendapatkan pekerjaan yg baik bergaji lumayan , tetapi sebaliknya hidup dia musnah dan cukup memilukan ,” kata bekas rakannya lagi.

Tragedi memilukan ini bermula selepas tiga tahun Sufiah belajar di Universiti Oxford, pada usia semuda 15 tahun, Sufiah mencetuskan kegemparan apabila menghilangkan diri.

Dalam e-mel kepada keluarganya, dia menyifatkan hidup dengan bapanya ‘umpama dalam neraka’.

Ibu Sufiah, Halimahton berasal dari Muar, Johor , Malaysia, manakala bapanya, Yusof berasal dari Pakistan.

Sufiah hanya ditemui dua minggu kemudian di sebuah kafe Internet di Bournemouth dan bekerja sebagai pelayan hotel.

Dia enggan kembali ke pangkuan keluarga dan diletakkan di bawah jagaan sebuah badan Khidmat kebajikan, sebelum kembali ke Oxford untuk menyelesaikan pengajian tahun akhir dalam Ijazah Sarjana Matematik . Tetapi dia lebih mementingkan hiburan untuk menghiburkan diri nya dan gagal menamatkan pengajian salepas berkenalan dengan Jonathan Marshall seorang peguam pelatih .

Dia berkahwin pada 2004 ketika berusia 19 tahun dengan Jonathan , 24, tetapi rumah tangganya hanya mampu bertahan selama setahun sahaja.

Rakan nya memberitahu , “Sufiah mengalami terlalu banyak tragedi didalam hidup nya , Saya berharap dia mampu keluar daripada kehidupan yang dilalui nya kini. Dia seorang yang baik dan sepatut nya beroleh satu kehidupan yang lebih baik , tetapi sebalik nya anugerah semula jadi yang dimiliki nya membawa kecelakaan pada diri nya sendiri.

Banned in Malaysia !!

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LAWAK ORANG POLITIK

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SKANDAL SERAM!

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Jaga Anak Anda !

Sekarang ini kita selalu dengar kanak2 menjadi mangsa colek. Terakhir ialah kehilangan adik Shalini yang sampai hari ini belum dapat di kesan.Saya cadangkan kita meletakkan tanda (WARNING Sign saperti di-atas) di-kawasan2 perumahan , tempat 2 permainan, shopping centre dan juga di Restaurant2.

LOVE is RANGKA

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Belajar lah dari mereka2 disini , bagaimana anda boleh mengecat dinding rumah anda saperti di gambar . Banyak lagi ilmu 2 yang boleh dipelajari dengan hanya menjadi member group ini . PERCUMA!!

Turn to Side B....

SeOrang pesakit Jiwa di hospital Tanjung Rambutan cukup gemar menyanyi. Satu hari SiPesakit menyanyi sebuah lagu jamal abdillah dengan posisi terlentang . Selepas habis lagu itu , beliau menyanyi lagu M Nasir dengan posisi telungkup pula . lalu bertanya pengawal yang menjaga nya . " kenapa kamu harus tukar posisi untuk menyanyi? " ... lalu jawab si Pesakit " lu tadak tahu ker ? mula2 tadi Side A , sekarang ni Side B pulak " ...

तेनान्ग्कन पिकिरण देंगन bercuti

SUSU Dah LUPUS (Expired) .....

Seorang Pemuda berumor 20 tahun kawin dengan seorang perempuan berumor 70 tahun . lepas seminggu , pemuda itu sering sakit perut dan kemudian nya meninggal . setelah diselidiki dan post-mortem doktor mengesahkan yang pemuda itu mati kerana terlalu banyak 'minum susu' yg sudah expired.

Calon Pilihan Raya Kita .....

While walking down the street one day a 'Malaysian Boleh' Minister is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the man. "Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then
you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I have made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Yang Berhormat

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules," says St. Peter. And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds
himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing infront of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and dressed in the finest batik there is. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then indulge themselves on
lobsters, caviar and the most expensive food there is.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has agood time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. "Now it' s time to visit heaven."

So, 24 hours pass with the Yang Berhormat joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."
The Yang Berhormat reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think /Ai //yam/ better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around
his shoulder.

"I don't understand," stammers the Yang Berhormat. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning just like you during an election . . . Today you voted."

skandal ORANG GAJI ......

Seorang Majikan marah marah , kerana 'tooth pick' nya cepat sekali habis dari botol nya. Satu hari Majikan memanggil oarang gaji nya dan bertanya ; " Bibi .. apakah Bibi yg sering ambil tusuk gigi saya (tooth pick') ? sering kali saya mau pakai , ia nya sudah habis ...
Sambil gementar Orang Gaji nya menjawab , "wah , bukan saya Tuan .. kalau saya yg pakai , tiap kali lepas pakai , saya pasti letak kembali ketempat nya lagi ..."

Mati dalam senyum ...

Seorang pegawai polis masuk ke bilik mayat sebuah hospital untuk
menyiasat punca kematian tiga lelaki sekaligus. Selepas memeriksa
mayat -mayat itu, dia bertanya kepada penjaga bilik mayat berkenaan.
Polis : Mengapa ketiga-tiga mayat tersenyum?
Penjaga : Lelaki pertama sedang bersanding, apabila tiba2 diserang
strok. Lelaki kedua pula khabarnya menang loteri dan mati serangan sakit
jantung manakala yg ketiga disambar petir.
Polis : Hah! Kenapa disambar petir pun tersenyum?
Penjaga : Masa tu dia ingat orang sedang ambil gambarnya

PENIS Terbesar Di Alam ini

Tahukah anda 'penis' apa yg paling besar diDunia ? Ia nya kepunyaan si Ikan Paus (Whale). Paus adalah sejenis Mamalia laut dan merupakan mamalia terbesar . Kerana ia sejenis binatang kita tak panggil 'penis' nya kemaluan ..sebab ia tak pernah malu tunjuk dia punya ...

Ikan Paus jantan menegeluarkan 400 gallons air mani setiap kali ejaculates. Tetapi hanya 10% yang masuk 'kedalam' Paus betina . Bermakna 90% lagi ( 360 gallons) terbuang ke Lautan setiap kali Paus jantan mengawan .

Mungkin juga tu lah sebab nya Air laut kita jadi masin ....

DO NOT SWALLOW THE WATER!!

Satu Kisah Tragis ....

Seorang anak kecil cemburu pada adik nya yag baru lahir yg sering menyusu Ibu nya.
Ketika Ibu nya sedang tidur , Puting susu ibu nya di sapu racun .
Besok nya DRIVER pada bapa nya yg Mati ....

COBAAAN

Lihat lah sekeliling mu, Itu lah Kurnia Tuhan;
Lihat lah ke-Meja makan mu, Itulah Kemurahan Tuhan;
Dan Lihat lah de Cermin mu; Itu lah COBAAN Tuhan

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WASIAT Si Bapa

Si Bapa sedang sakit tenat kerana Kanser . Satu hari dia memanggil anak nya dan berpesan
" Kalau orang tanya apa penyakit ku , kau bilang saja " ..bapa kena AIDS" . Si Anak cukup terperanjat dan bertanya denagan hairan , " kenapa bapak bilang begitu ..bukan kah bapak mengidap Kanser ? " lalu jawab si Bapa " Bapak tak mahu orang lain menyentuh ibu mu , andai nya aku mati ..."

Position 69

Seorang suami membawa isteri nya ke mahkamah syariah untuk bercerai . Hakim dan peguam Syarie bertanya ke pada si Suami :

HAKIM : Apa kah anda serius untuk menceraikan isteri Anda ?

SUAMI : Saya Serius Tuan Hakim ...

HAKIM : Boleh Saya tahu kenapa?

SUAMI : Kerana ia diperkosa, Tuan Hakim ...

HAKIM : Hah .. Seharus nya awak membelanya .. bukan menceraikan nya ..

SUAMI : Seharus nya begitu Tuan Hakim , Tapi Saya cukup bengang dan marah ...

HAKIM : kenapa pulak begitu?

SUAMI : Kerana semasa diperkosa, saya lihat isteri saya sempat tukar posisi ...

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roster
Definition:	A list, especially of names.
Synonyms:	roll

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It is greater than the stars - that moving procession of human energy; greater than the palpitating earth and the things growing thereon. Kate Chopin (1851-1904)

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Di Satu Senja Di Musim yang lalu .....

Pada Suatu hari, sebuah bas rombongan membawa satu rombongan yang kesemua nya Wanita ,kecuali pemandu bas dan pembantu nya . Perjalanan .mereka melalui melalui beberapa estet getah, dan hutan yang sangat luas.

Tiba 2 sebuah kereta yang membawa 4 lelaki menahan bas tersebut di-satu tempat yg sunyi .

Mereka memperkenalkan diri mereka sebagai perompak dan mengarahkan semua penumpang jangan buat bising dan jangan melawan kalau mahu selamat.

Sorang perompak berkata..


” Keluarkan semua wang dan barang kemas yang kamu ada..!!Cepat..!!”

Sorang wanita muda kemudian nya bersuara …..
” ..tapi..kami tak bawak barang kemas, dan wang kami pun ada dalam bank , yang ada cuma sedikit wang untuk belanja makan , tak berbaloi kamu nak rompak !!..”

Perompak tu pun berfikir, dan berkata ..
“Ha..tak berbaloi ya ..gini la..kalu tadak duit dan barang kemas , ..kami akan rogol kamu SEMUA , baru berbaloi ….ahahhaa..”

Seorang Gadis muda mencelah ..
” Alalaa…takkan la makcik2 kat belakang tu nak rogol jugak…. lagi tak berbaloi ..”

Belum pun sempat perompak tu berkata , tetiba sorang makcik berdiri..
” Oi Siti, kau tak paham ker..kalau dia kata nak rogol semua SEMUA..SEMUA la..”

I KNOW YOU WILL LIKE IT ....

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Master Mind , Gold Mine and Lost Mind ....

Einstien is known for his genius mind, Newton is known for his extraordinary mind,
Bill gates for his brilliant mind , Dr Mahathir as the Master Mind and ..... Abdullah for his NEVER MIND !!! ... Samy Vellu ..Hmmmmm ALL MINE !!!!!! and the
latest one ..... " when she lift up her skirt , I lost my mind " said our health minister ....

Our Minister's Speech .....

Recently, I was invited to a function hosted by one of the local University. Our Deputy PM , Dato’ Najib was invited and supposed to deliver his speech at the function.

The Professor who is the MC of the function introducing the Minister said , ” Dato’ , the skirt of a young lady must be short enough to draw the attention of men . We hope your speech will also be short enough to retain our attention.

The Minister , when opening his address said ,” … just as the skirt must be long enough to cover the essentials and short enough to be attractive , my address will be long enough to cover the message and short enough to retain your interest.”

A Professor and Mat Rempit .....

After many years of teaching at UKM, a Respected Professor retired . Naturally , he was honored when invited to deliver the annual endowment lecture, normally delivered by Ministers. As he was nervously waiting to deliver his address, a young graduate student approached him , handed him an envelope and said , “I know how important this evening is for you. Please open and read this note just before you give your speech .”
Hoping for encouragement and inspiration , the professor ,just before the speech opened the note. It simply stated , ” ..Keep it short , the football game between Manchester United and Malaysian selection starts at 8.30pm.”

How Stock Market Works ....

If you dont understand , how the stock market works , read this ………

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for RM10.

The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around,went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at RM10 and as supply started to diminish,the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at RM20.

This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms.

The offer rate increased to RM25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at RM50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at RM35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for RM50.”

The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.

Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!!!