Belajar lah dari mereka2 disini , bagaimana anda boleh mengecat dinding rumah anda saperti di gambar . Banyak lagi ilmu 2 yang boleh dipelajari dengan hanya menjadi member group ini . PERCUMA!!Rabu, 27 Februari 2008
Join this Group and get your wall painted
Belajar lah dari mereka2 disini , bagaimana anda boleh mengecat dinding rumah anda saperti di gambar . Banyak lagi ilmu 2 yang boleh dipelajari dengan hanya menjadi member group ini . PERCUMA!!
Ahad, 24 Februari 2008
Turn to Side B....
SeOrang pesakit Jiwa di hospital Tanjung Rambutan cukup gemar menyanyi. Satu hari SiPesakit menyanyi sebuah lagu jamal abdillah dengan posisi terlentang . Selepas habis lagu itu , beliau menyanyi lagu M Nasir dengan posisi telungkup pula . lalu bertanya pengawal yang menjaga nya . " kenapa kamu harus tukar posisi untuk menyanyi? " ... lalu jawab si Pesakit " lu tadak tahu ker ? mula2 tadi Side A , sekarang ni Side B pulak " ...
Sabtu, 23 Februari 2008
SUSU Dah LUPUS (Expired) .....
Seorang Pemuda berumor 20 tahun kawin dengan seorang perempuan berumor 70 tahun . lepas seminggu , pemuda itu sering sakit perut dan kemudian nya meninggal . setelah diselidiki dan post-mortem doktor mengesahkan yang pemuda itu mati kerana terlalu banyak 'minum susu' yg sudah expired.
Jumaat, 22 Februari 2008
Calon Pilihan Raya Kita .....
While walking down the street one day a 'Malaysian Boleh' Minister is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," says the man. "Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then
you can choose where to spend eternity."
"Really, I have made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Yang Berhormat
"I'm sorry, but we have our rules," says St. Peter. And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds
himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing infront of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and dressed in the finest batik there is. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then indulge themselves on
lobsters, caviar and the most expensive food there is.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has agood time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. "Now it' s time to visit heaven."
So, 24 hours pass with the Yang Berhormat joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."
The Yang Berhormat reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think /Ai //yam/ better off in hell."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around
his shoulder.
"I don't understand," stammers the Yang Berhormat. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"
The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning just like you during an election . . . Today you voted."
"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," says the man. "Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then
you can choose where to spend eternity."
"Really, I have made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Yang Berhormat
"I'm sorry, but we have our rules," says St. Peter. And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds
himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing infront of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and dressed in the finest batik there is. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then indulge themselves on
lobsters, caviar and the most expensive food there is.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has agood time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. "Now it' s time to visit heaven."
So, 24 hours pass with the Yang Berhormat joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."
The Yang Berhormat reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think /Ai //yam/ better off in hell."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around
his shoulder.
"I don't understand," stammers the Yang Berhormat. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"
The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning just like you during an election . . . Today you voted."
Ahad, 17 Februari 2008
skandal ORANG GAJI ......
Seorang Majikan marah marah , kerana 'tooth pick' nya cepat sekali habis dari botol nya. Satu hari Majikan memanggil oarang gaji nya dan bertanya ; " Bibi .. apakah Bibi yg sering ambil tusuk gigi saya (tooth pick') ? sering kali saya mau pakai , ia nya sudah habis ...
Sambil gementar Orang Gaji nya menjawab , "wah , bukan saya Tuan .. kalau saya yg pakai , tiap kali lepas pakai , saya pasti letak kembali ketempat nya lagi ..."
Jumaat, 15 Februari 2008
Mati dalam senyum ...
Seorang pegawai polis masuk ke bilik mayat sebuah hospital untuk
menyiasat punca kematian tiga lelaki sekaligus. Selepas memeriksa
mayat -mayat itu, dia bertanya kepada penjaga bilik mayat berkenaan.
Polis : Mengapa ketiga-tiga mayat tersenyum?
Penjaga : Lelaki pertama sedang bersanding, apabila tiba2 diserang
strok. Lelaki kedua pula khabarnya menang loteri dan mati serangan sakit
jantung manakala yg ketiga disambar petir.
Polis : Hah! Kenapa disambar petir pun tersenyum?
Penjaga : Masa tu dia ingat orang sedang ambil gambarnya
menyiasat punca kematian tiga lelaki sekaligus. Selepas memeriksa
mayat -mayat itu, dia bertanya kepada penjaga bilik mayat berkenaan.
Polis : Mengapa ketiga-tiga mayat tersenyum?
Penjaga : Lelaki pertama sedang bersanding, apabila tiba2 diserang
strok. Lelaki kedua pula khabarnya menang loteri dan mati serangan sakit
jantung manakala yg ketiga disambar petir.
Polis : Hah! Kenapa disambar petir pun tersenyum?
Penjaga : Masa tu dia ingat orang sedang ambil gambarnya
Ahad, 10 Februari 2008
PENIS Terbesar Di Alam ini
Tahukah anda 'penis' apa yg paling besar diDunia ? Ia nya kepunyaan si Ikan Paus (Whale). Paus adalah sejenis Mamalia laut dan merupakan mamalia terbesar . Kerana ia sejenis binatang kita tak panggil 'penis' nya kemaluan ..sebab ia tak pernah malu tunjuk dia punya ...
Ikan Paus jantan menegeluarkan 400 gallons air mani setiap kali ejaculates. Tetapi hanya 10% yang masuk 'kedalam' Paus betina . Bermakna 90% lagi ( 360 gallons) terbuang ke Lautan setiap kali Paus jantan mengawan .
Mungkin juga tu lah sebab nya Air laut kita jadi masin ....
DO NOT SWALLOW THE WATER!!
Satu Kisah Tragis ....
Seorang anak kecil cemburu pada adik nya yag baru lahir yg sering menyusu Ibu nya.
Ketika Ibu nya sedang tidur , Puting susu ibu nya di sapu racun .
Besok nya DRIVER pada bapa nya yg Mati ....
COBAAAN
Lihat lah sekeliling mu, Itu lah Kurnia Tuhan;
Lihat lah ke-Meja makan mu, Itulah Kemurahan Tuhan;
Dan Lihat lah de Cermin mu; Itu lah COBAAN Tuhan
Sabtu, 9 Februari 2008
Jumaat, 8 Februari 2008
WASIAT Si Bapa
Si Bapa sedang sakit tenat kerana Kanser . Satu hari dia memanggil anak nya dan berpesan
" Kalau orang tanya apa penyakit ku , kau bilang saja " ..bapa kena AIDS" . Si Anak cukup terperanjat dan bertanya denagan hairan , " kenapa bapak bilang begitu ..bukan kah bapak mengidap Kanser ? " lalu jawab si Bapa " Bapak tak mahu orang lain menyentuh ibu mu , andai nya aku mati ..."
" Kalau orang tanya apa penyakit ku , kau bilang saja " ..bapa kena AIDS" . Si Anak cukup terperanjat dan bertanya denagan hairan , " kenapa bapak bilang begitu ..bukan kah bapak mengidap Kanser ? " lalu jawab si Bapa " Bapak tak mahu orang lain menyentuh ibu mu , andai nya aku mati ..."
Khamis, 7 Februari 2008
Jumaat, 1 Februari 2008
Sabtu, 26 Januari 2008
Position 69
Seorang suami membawa isteri nya ke mahkamah syariah untuk bercerai . Hakim dan peguam Syarie bertanya ke pada si Suami :
HAKIM : Apa kah anda serius untuk menceraikan isteri Anda ?
SUAMI : Saya Serius Tuan Hakim ...
HAKIM : Boleh Saya tahu kenapa?
SUAMI : Kerana ia diperkosa, Tuan Hakim ...
HAKIM : Hah .. Seharus nya awak membelanya .. bukan menceraikan nya ..
SUAMI : Seharus nya begitu Tuan Hakim , Tapi Saya cukup bengang dan marah ...
HAKIM : kenapa pulak begitu?
SUAMI : Kerana semasa diperkosa, saya lihat isteri saya sempat tukar posisi ...
HAKIM : Apa kah anda serius untuk menceraikan isteri Anda ?
SUAMI : Saya Serius Tuan Hakim ...
HAKIM : Boleh Saya tahu kenapa?
SUAMI : Kerana ia diperkosa, Tuan Hakim ...
HAKIM : Hah .. Seharus nya awak membelanya .. bukan menceraikan nya ..
SUAMI : Seharus nya begitu Tuan Hakim , Tapi Saya cukup bengang dan marah ...
HAKIM : kenapa pulak begitu?
SUAMI : Kerana semasa diperkosa, saya lihat isteri saya sempat tukar posisi ...
Jumaat, 25 Januari 2008
Article of the Day
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This Day in History
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Today's Birthday
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In the News
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Quote of the Day
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Spelling Bee
Rabu, 23 Januari 2008
Di Satu Senja Di Musim yang lalu .....
Pada Suatu hari, sebuah bas rombongan membawa satu rombongan yang kesemua nya Wanita ,kecuali pemandu bas dan pembantu nya . Perjalanan .mereka melalui melalui beberapa estet getah, dan hutan yang sangat luas.
Tiba 2 sebuah kereta yang membawa 4 lelaki menahan bas tersebut di-satu tempat yg sunyi .
Mereka memperkenalkan diri mereka sebagai perompak dan mengarahkan semua penumpang jangan buat bising dan jangan melawan kalau mahu selamat.
Sorang perompak berkata..
” Keluarkan semua wang dan barang kemas yang kamu ada..!!Cepat..!!”
Sorang wanita muda kemudian nya bersuara …..
” ..tapi..kami tak bawak barang kemas, dan wang kami pun ada dalam bank , yang ada cuma sedikit wang untuk belanja makan , tak berbaloi kamu nak rompak !!..”
Perompak tu pun berfikir, dan berkata ..
“Ha..tak berbaloi ya ..gini la..kalu tadak duit dan barang kemas , ..kami akan rogol kamu SEMUA , baru berbaloi ….ahahhaa..”
Seorang Gadis muda mencelah ..
” Alalaa…takkan la makcik2 kat belakang tu nak rogol jugak…. lagi tak berbaloi ..”
Belum pun sempat perompak tu berkata , tetiba sorang makcik berdiri..
” Oi Siti, kau tak paham ker..kalau dia kata nak rogol semua SEMUA..SEMUA la..”
Tiba 2 sebuah kereta yang membawa 4 lelaki menahan bas tersebut di-satu tempat yg sunyi .
Mereka memperkenalkan diri mereka sebagai perompak dan mengarahkan semua penumpang jangan buat bising dan jangan melawan kalau mahu selamat.
Sorang perompak berkata..
” Keluarkan semua wang dan barang kemas yang kamu ada..!!Cepat..!!”
Sorang wanita muda kemudian nya bersuara …..
” ..tapi..kami tak bawak barang kemas, dan wang kami pun ada dalam bank , yang ada cuma sedikit wang untuk belanja makan , tak berbaloi kamu nak rompak !!..”
Perompak tu pun berfikir, dan berkata ..
“Ha..tak berbaloi ya ..gini la..kalu tadak duit dan barang kemas , ..kami akan rogol kamu SEMUA , baru berbaloi ….ahahhaa..”
Seorang Gadis muda mencelah ..
” Alalaa…takkan la makcik2 kat belakang tu nak rogol jugak…. lagi tak berbaloi ..”
Belum pun sempat perompak tu berkata , tetiba sorang makcik berdiri..
” Oi Siti, kau tak paham ker..kalau dia kata nak rogol semua SEMUA..SEMUA la..”
Ahad, 20 Januari 2008
Sabtu, 19 Januari 2008
Master Mind , Gold Mine and Lost Mind ....
Einstien is known for his genius mind, Newton is known for his extraordinary mind,
Bill gates for his brilliant mind , Dr Mahathir as the Master Mind and ..... Abdullah for his NEVER MIND !!! ... Samy Vellu ..Hmmmmm ALL MINE !!!!!! and the
latest one ..... " when she lift up her skirt , I lost my mind " said our health minister ....
Our Minister's Speech .....
Recently, I was invited to a function hosted by one of the local University. Our Deputy PM , Dato’ Najib was invited and supposed to deliver his speech at the function.
The Professor who is the MC of the function introducing the Minister said , ” Dato’ , the skirt of a young lady must be short enough to draw the attention of men . We hope your speech will also be short enough to retain our attention.
The Minister , when opening his address said ,” … just as the skirt must be long enough to cover the essentials and short enough to be attractive , my address will be long enough to cover the message and short enough to retain your interest.”
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